Lesson Outcome
This lesson is intended to help you
recognize principles and practices that are necessary in preparing for and
creating a celestial marriage.
Introduction
Building a house doesn’t happen in an instant
and it’s not a one or two step process. There are many aspects of building a
house, and each step must be done in a certain order. The first step to
building a house is to prepare the ground and foundation. The foundation of the
house is what makes it sturdy and keeps it standing upright during rain, snow,
and wind.
After the foundation is in place
then the support beams for the walls and roof can be built. Just as the
foundation supports the whole house, the support beams keep the walls and roof
from caving in. Windows are put in place to let in daylight, and doors are
built to control who and what may enter the house. Insulation is put into the
walls and ceiling to help keep the house from getting too cold or too warm.
Wiring is run throughout the walls and ceiling to regulate electricity which is
then used to provide light when it is dark and to allow usage of electronics
and appliances.
Colorful floors, carpets, and paint
or wall-paper are used to make the inside of the house pleasing to the eye.
Finally, the home is ready for a family to move in and make the house into a
home. They will personalize each room with pictures, paintings, and prized
possessions. They will laugh and cry together, offend and forgive one another,
and learn and grow together. Over the years, the home will be filled with
memories, both good and bad, and no matter where the family members go or what
they do, it will always be home.
In this lesson, I will be comparing
building a marriage to certain aspects of building a home.
Preparing for an Eternal Marriage
A Sure
Foundation
The
first step to creating a sure foundation for your marriage is to have an
eternal perspective about marriage and the family. Understanding why marriage
is an essential part of your eternal destiny gives deeper meaning to the
sanctity of marriage. Studying the Holy Scriptures, listening to the words of
the living prophets, and learning what previous prophets and apostles have
taught are just a few things you can do to learn more about the importance of
marriage.
Once
you understand why marriage is essential to your eternal salvation, you can
start building your foundation. That foundation needs to be centered in the
Savior Jesus Christ. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, “Happiness
in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of
the Lord Jesus Christ.” (First Presidency & Council of the Twelve
Apostles, 1995).
President Ezra Taft Benson taught:
“When we put God first, all other things fall into their
proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the
claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and
the order of our priorities.” (Benson, 1988)
All families must endure trials
and difficulties. Research has indicated that “marriage-based families in which
the parents share religious involvement seem to fare comparatively well” through
their problems (Hawkins, Dollahite, &
Draper, 2012, p. 193). By putting our trust and faith in Christ, we are
allowing Him to be our guide through life. If we choose to follow Him, we will
not go astray, for He will always lead us in the right way.
Sturdy
Walls and Roof
To
build sturdy walls in your relationship, you must first become the kind of
person you wish to marry. One of the early chapters in Successful Marriage and Families discusses the importance of
focusing on becoming the right person rather than trying to find the right
person. By choosing to focus on becoming the right person and being prepared
for marriage, you can reduce the anxiety associated with trying to find someone
to marry. (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper,
2012, p. 6)
Another
aspect of building sturdy walls for your marriage is to practice proper dating
procedures. In Successful Marriages and
Families (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper,
2012, p. 12-13) we learn about “dating patterns that can lead to exclusive dating, engagement, and
marriage.” This dating pattern consists of three main steps:
traditional dating, exclusive dating, and engagement. Traditional dating should
“follow a
pattern that allows for meaningful conversation and dialogue. Traditional
dating experience provides young adults with greater self-awareness, greater
appreciation of the range of potential partners, and greater preparation for
marriage….” Traditional dating should be casual,
simple, and frequent.
Exclusive dating is the next logical step after
traditional dating. Exclusive dating is a time when “couples can explore a potential marriage relationship
with a specific person.” Exclusive dating also “involves
extended families, friends, and others.”
The final step before marriage is engagement. “The purposes of
engagement are to confirm a decision to marry someone, make wedding
preparations, and strengthen new extended family relationships.”
These dating practices, though uncommon, can help you
create the sturdy walls and rood needed to help your relationship last. Proper
dating practices allow you ample opportunity to resolve differences, make
plans, and prepare for your future together. Use your dating time wisely by not
rushing into an exclusive relationship, but beware that you don’t take too
long. If proper dating practices are followed, your relationship can progress naturally
towards engagement and marriage.
Creating an Eternal Marriage
Safety
and Security
Once
you have chosen to marry, it is important to create a marriage of safety and
security. There are several ways to cultivate safety and security in marriage.
Two major aspects of safety and security in marriage are repentance and
forgiveness. Being able to forgive family members of their transgressions makes
it more likely that you will “have
better emotional and physical health” (Hawkins,
Dollahite, & Draper, 2012, p. 203). Holding a grudge, whether towards
someone else or towards yourself, can affect your ability to interact
positively with your spouse and other family members. Frank Fincham was quoted
in a Church News article, saying, “A happy marriage is a union of two good
forgivers” (Holman,
2013).
Some
other aspects of safety and security in marriage are love, respect, compassion,
trust, and honesty. I love this quote by
President N. Eldon Tanner:
“As I
have performed marriage ceremonies for young couples, I have talked with them
about their future and the things that will go into building an increase of
love for one another and into the establishment of a happy home. There are four
specific things, among others, which I always include.
“First, I remind them to
keep the covenants which they make as they are married.
“Second,
addressing myself to the young man, I tell him to make her happy. If he will do
all he can to make her happy, she cannot help but want to reciprocate and do
everything she can for his comfort and welfare.
“Third,
I stress the importance of clearing up any misunderstandings they may have. I
remind them that it does not matter who is
right, but what is right. …
“Fourth,
and very important, I remind them to continue to love one another.
I tell
them too that marriage is not a fifty-fifty proposition. Each must go the extra
mile so there is no contention about the halfway mark.” (Tanner, 1980)
It
is vital that husband and wife “honor
marital vows wit complete fidelity” (First Presidency & Council of the Twelve Apostles, 1995). Doing so
provides the ideal setting in which mothers
and fathers can raise children (Bednar, 2006). Successful Marriages and Families
discusses different types of infidelity and the resulting consequences. “Infidelity is one of the leading
causes of divorce” (Hawkins,
Dollahite, & Draper, 2012, p. 62). From sexually transmitted diseases
to confusion in families, infidelity has numerous consequences. To avoid these
consequences it is vital that husbands and wives remain completely loyal to one
another.
Equal
partnership is another major aspect of safety and security in marriage. The
Family Proclamation we are taught that fathers and mothers are to share in the
responsibilities of rearing their children “as equal partners” (First Presidency & Council of the Twelve
Apostles, 1995). Being
equal partners doesn’t mean they have to do all the same things. Being equal partners
means they work together and one spouse does not have more responsibility than
the other. “Husband and wife have a
solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children”
(First Presidency & Council of the Twelve
Apostles, 1995).
Another
major aspect of safety and security in marriage is intimacy. Intimacy between
husband and wife is a sacred and special act, “a symbol of total union: union of their hearts, their hopes,
their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything” (Holland, 1988). Intimacy is a chance to truly
connect on a deep level with your spouse, to show them how much you love them,
and to unite every part of yourself with every part of your partner.
The
final piece of safety and security in marriage I will mention is to not let
things of the world interfere. The world is filled with pride, iniquity, and
warped views of how things ought to be. Close your doors to worldly influence
and open your hearts to influence from the Holy Spirit.
Happiness
and Joy
Building
your marriage on a strong foundation and then working to build a sturdy and
secure relationship are the first steps to bringing true happiness and joy into
your marriage. One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is
to constantly work to strengthen your relationship. Prayer is a great way to do
this. “Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play
an active role in their relationship” (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012, p. 197).
Kneeling together in prayer is another way for husband and wife to become
unified in all they are, and it has the added benefit of inviting God to be a
part of their lives.
There
are many ways to strengthen your relationship with your spouse. It is important
to spend time together with just the two of you. Go on a weekly date. Husbands,
never stop courting your wife. Wives, never stop loving and encouraging your
husbands. Communicate often, and use Christ-like communication in all you say
and do. Christ-like communication should never be negative, degrading, or
humiliating. Rather, according to Elder L. Lionel Kendrick, Christ-like
communication should be expressed “in
tones of love” (Kendrick, 1988). When
conflicts arise, calmly discuss them. If you need time to calm down before you
discuss the problem, allow yourself the time you need. As you discuss your
problems, remember to do so in a kind and loving way. If it helps, hold the
hand of your loved one as you discuss issues; it’s a lot harder to speak in
anger at a person when you are holding their hand.
Two
more great ways to bring happiness and joy into your home are by working
together and participating in wholesome recreational activities together. When
you work side-by-side with someone every day, it’s hard to not love that
person. In a similar way, when you are enjoying wholesome recreation with your
family, it can strengthen your relationships. In Successful Marriages and Families we can find some basic ideas
about work and wholesome recreational activities. Family work does not need to
be complicated or perfect. The idea is to spend time together as a family in
worthwhile activities. Mundane work provides ample opportunity to talk and
interact with one another which in turn encourages closer relationships.
Similarly, wholesome recreation “can
serve to promote positive development in our children, strengthen our
marriages, and build strong families.” (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2012).
Conclusion
There are many aspects to creating
and maintaining a celestial marriage. Take the time to learn what you need to
do to strengthen your marriage and make it into a celestial marriage that will
endure for eternity. Take the time to prepare your ground and build your
foundation so that together you and your spouse can build a sturdy relationship
that will keep you safe from the influences of the world. Faithfully do all you
can to show love and concern for one another.
Carefully care for and nurture your
relationship. Take time together as a couple to keep your romance alive. Don’t
give up when trials come. Turn to the Lord every day for guidance and
inspiration. He wants to help you, and if you ask for that help, He will gladly
give it.
I testify that marriage is essential
to our eternal salvation. It is a necessary step for each and every one of us.
Those that do not have a chance to be married in this life WILL get the chance.
Have faith in the Lord’s timing; He can see the big picture and He knows what
you need better than you do. Things may not always happen when you want or how
you want, but you can always trust that the Lord knows what He is doing. As
long as you are striving to do what is right and follow God’s plan for you,
then you will receive the blessings He has promised.
Additional
Resources
References
Bednar, D. A. (2006, June). Marriage is Essential to
His Eternal Plan. Ensign. Retrieved from
http://www.lds.org/liahona/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng&query=Marriage+Essential+His+Eternal+Plan
Benson, E.
T. (1988, May). The Great Commandment - Love the Lord. Ensign.
Retrieved from
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1988/04/the-great-commandment-love-the-lord
First
Presidency & Council of the Twelve Apostles. (1995, November). The Family:
A Proclamation to the World. Ensign. Retrieved from
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1995/11/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng
Hawkins,
A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful Marriages and
Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah:
BYU Studies.
Holland, J.
R. (1988, January 12). Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments. Provo, Utah.
Holman, M.
(2013, March 12). Happy Marriages Require Good Forgivers. Church News.
Retrieved from
http://www.lds.org/church/news/happy-marriages-require-good-forgivers?lang=eng
Kendrick,
L. L. (1988, November). Christlike Communications. Ensign. Retrieved
from https://www.lds.org/ensign/1988/11/christlike-communications?lang=eng
Tanner, N.
E. (1980, May). Celestial Marriages and Eternal Families. Ensign.
Retrieved from
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1980/05/celestial-marriages-and-eternal-families?lang=eng
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